I am old enough now where I don't expect presents for any holiday: I buy my own Easter candy, Christmas was done years ago, and I know I will need to pay for my own matress on Presidents' Day. So a birthday that is just like any other day is expected, but I guess I thought it would be at least a little different than the day before.
Facebook had a lot of Happy Birthdays for me, but I don't count those. Sorry facebook friends, but most of you I haven't actually seen in a long (long) time and I know it's just lip service. When you have a reminder that says it's my birthday and without it you wouldn't even think of me, it doesn't mean much. Actually, I thought I had made my birthday private, but it was just the year; we will see how many people remember next year.
My family didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I got a text message from a friend, and my daughter told me happy birthday after I mentioned it, but that was it. My mom, who emailed me numerous times, never once said it. *sigh*
Actually my mom had seen something she thought I might want about a week earlier, but instead of buying it she said if I wanted it to go and buy the color I wanted and she'd give me money for it. I did go and buy one, but I didn't tell her to give me money. It would have been nice for her to have just bought one, picked a color she thought I liked and given it to me for my birthday.
Last year my daughter drew me a great card, I loved it. I didn't get a card this year from her. *sigh*
I have to admit that I play a game with my birthday, though it wasn't on purpose. I take my name off the birthday list at work, I hide my birthday from facebook friends, I don't mention it to people as it's getting near... but I still want attention on my birthday. Maybe it's just an excuse to feel sad and depressed for a day, because that's what always happens.
I'm like a little girl, or boy, dreaming of their fantasy wedding. I imagine people calling me to wish me a happy birthday, someone at work orders pizza for me and everyone else, and that evening is a party just for me with my friends and family. Maybe after the party a few of us go out to a local bar and have a few drinks, it's the best time evar!
Then the big day comes and nothing happens and I am sad.
It IS my own fault! My expectations are too high, and I know you sometimes have to do things yourself so planning a party or something is up to me. Or at least I have to let people know my birthday is coming and not hide it.
This post took a turn from where I originally wanted to go. I started feeling down and wanting to share that with the interwebs, but now I feel good. It's like some sort of therapy.
The doctor is out.